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God of my fantasies.

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When you do the work to clear the pipes between you and Heaven, man, does God get on the soup can to spill the beans.

I have been praying almost incessantly to be infused by the Holy Spirit, to hear God’s voice, to know Him, to feel His presence.  And it’s here — it’s so here — and I never want to lose this soft, cozy envelope of being loved unconditionally.  When you seek Him, He answers, and very often, reveals His own agenda.  I am surprised at what He’s talking to me about lately, but hey — I’m not one to counsel God on what His topic of the day should be.

I wrote the other day about how He spoke to my soul and said that all my anxiety comes from resistance to Him.  I was shocked by this, but after examining the statement, I realized it’s true.  It’s funny, though, because I don’t actually feel very anxious right now.  It’s been something that has affected me — sometimes severely, sometimes mildly — all my life, and definitely to the point of interfering with my life’s path.  It’s the reason I stopped acting.  It’s the reason I didn’t date the nice guy.  It’s the reason I didn’t travel more.  It’s the reason for so many things.  But right about now, I’m feeling pretty good.  Pretty peaceful.  Not really anxious about too much.  And this is when God decides to chat about my anxiety.

So He revealed that to me this past Sunday, and today my devotional starts off with: Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without Me.  I instantly remembered another day’s devotional that told me not to worry about the future, for God is already there.  Later in today’s devotional, it instructs me not to linger in my thoughts about the future because anxieties sprout like mushrooms (I hate mushrooms) and that when I do go there in my mind, to include God in any imagery that pops up.  After all, He is already there!  Then it says, This mental discipline does not come easily, because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies.*

God of my fantasies.  Ouch.  But it’s true.  Of course, when it comes to my fear-fantasies, I’m a bumbling freakazoid kind of god, but I’m a god none-the-less.  If I participate in this exercise — imagining my God, the God of the Angel-Armies, who goes ahead of me, stands beside me, and guards the rear — my anxiety dissipates.  Pretty cool!

Much like me with this post, I’m not sure where God is going with this.  I’d like to have a nice, succinct little ending to wrap it all up.  But alas — ’tis not to be, in this ongoing page-turner.  I guess He will reveal all in His time, and I’ll wait for the next dose of instruction on my anxiety, my future, and whatever else God has got for me.  Until then…

*The daily devotional I read is called Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young.

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Sold out Jesus-freak, mom of 2, wife, Christian Life Coach and speaker, friend-in-need-of-grace, writer of stuff.

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